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Garage_Rubin

So what happened to YOU today?

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I've never really been very hurt by the death of a loved one, but I have had moderate mental breakdowns over the loss of paradigms and ideas, once held dear, which I later realized were wrong.

I am not great at humaning.

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On 1/7/2019 at 4:21 PM, heavyboots said:

Ow?! Hope that heals up quickly and well, Twi! ūüôÄ

 

Spent literally one and a half movies (call it 3.5 hours) backing up iDevices, upgrading them to latest iOS updates and then transferring everything from my mom's old iPad to her new one. On the bright side, did get to hang with my mom for an evening and enjoy some decent movies…

 

My mom is a technically literate 70 year old but she has more issues with computers than any person I know.  She buys a new one every 2-3 years because they "slow down" too much.  The latest is a 2 day ordeal to update windows, that has resulted in her reinstalling windows after 4 hours on the phone with Microsoft 2nd level support.  Part of her issue is a weird reliance in 3rd party anti-virus and backup programs that she doesn't need but feels are critical.

 

I long ago swore off helping her because it means hours of mindless clicking around problems that would be solved with a clean reformat and google drive.

 

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Broken metacarpals or ultracarpals or whatever are getting better in the wrist, thankfully. Had the birthday today (thanks for the well wishes), where GR and the minibots all took a staycay to the lava-cliffs (cold lava) down at the end of our street. They flopped around in the tide pools and played with the reef fishes, urchins, and other families chilling out there, as you do on the Big Island on the 3 day weekend.

 

Gov shutdown is proving to be a real hazard for some friends who work in the public sector, one of them is having to ration out their insulin and actually turned the pump off overnight, risking fatal ketoacidosis, but it's a choice between that and going to the hospital and being bankrupted by 500 dollar insulin and 300 dollar tylenol, losing your house, fun stuff like that. (Also, that's not limited to government shutdown, that's a daily occurrence of people literally dying from lack of insulin and basic healthcare in the US, just slightly more cyberpunk dystopia quotient when 800,000 people suddenly have income vaporized). One of the guys trains IT workers and has a bit of savings to weather the storm, but he's had several of the employees he's training quit or have to leave because they can't afford to continue forced work for $0 an hour indefinitely. Some of the new future workforce he'd been working with for half a year, just couldn't take it anymore, and that was pretty demoralizing to witness. Also sucks for us specifically cause we're on medicare, foodstamps, etc. and if I ended up making 80 grand we'd actually be even poorer after the $28,000 in health care $12,000 in food and $40,000 in rent* we'd be paying for, along with most of the country, so it's going to be challenging going forward. But that's why we've been planting lots of native kalo plants, jabuticaba and avocados, etc. across the property, as a backup plan. Also good friends with folks who own a 30 acre ranch, make their own beef, and I was just talking to the guy about Korean regenerative agriculture that is net carbon-negative which was pretty interesting. Using some Chinese industrial ag drones to spray insecticide for tiny Tahitian fire ants and stuff.

 

In good news, I've been digital painting a lot more this week, needing to get a new game out this year cause money is getting shorter, despite Neofeud still selling (mostly during Steam sales). Been spending a lot of time over the past year and so on promotion of the flagship Silver Spook Game NF, but needing to get more product out the door to stay afloat so I don't have to go deal meth like all my fellow Hawaiians from my home-ghetto, or join the military industrial stormtroopers and murder innocent people across the world to be permitted existence. 

 

So this year I'm trying to reorient and focus on getting the Fortnite Killer E3 showstopper another indie cult classic/hopefully gem out of the Windows 98-running laptop using Photoshop CS3 out the door and onto Steam (and Epic store, Itch, wherever else). In other good news, still getting to spend as much time as I want with the minibots and GR here, which is great, cause all humans and the most of the biosphere will be extinct soon, so it's good to get those quality moments in before Earth becomes a toxic shithole littered with human skulls, billionaire escape-rocket pock-marks, and laughed at from space by sentient tardigrades.

 

Our water pipes broke again and I had to go duct tape some electric-chainsawed pieces of an Ikea couch up to hold the PVC catchment in place. My wrist is still fucked up so GR helped out with that so I wouldn't fuck it up more and possibly be bankrupted at a hospital if some bullshit fell through with our adminstrivia, and had to shell out the -200 dollars we have for that $500 X-Ray.

 

Just had a talk with my dad also. They're worried that the Catholic neofeudal lords (major property owners=ultrarich in Hawaii) shield against the reality will be falling through soon. Because we have a relative high up in the Holy Roman Empire, they get basically 1/3 the market rent ($1800 for 1 bedroom) by having suction with the church. But real estate people are eyeing the former-seminary-turned retreat center hungrily, salivating at the dying / retiring nuns, ready to convert the whole place into million-per-square-foot empty condos for the rich to store money in, and make more homeless people. All the teaching jobs are being obliterated and the ones that exist are peanuts-adjunct professor or perma-temp bullshit that pays enough to live in a literal van (people are renting illegally parked vans at public parks, Wal Mart lots on Oahu as 'housing'). Most of the private schools and Catholic schools like my parents teach at have been decimated with -50% enrollment rates, several already closed, cause no one can afford them.

 

The Catholic schools that used to have a mission, leveling the playing field with education for poor inner city kids are gone. Or joined the Harvard-feeder top 1%er private schools that continue to exist basically catering to Jeff Bezos children, like Obama's Alma Mater, Punahou. $100,000 a year from 50 parents (+ generous alumni donations) instead of $10,000 a year from 500 parents. Like Amazon campus New York will destroy New York's remaining fire, hospital, and other public services, Cleveland Clinic Campus decreases life expectancies beyond glimmering glass-palace walls, Facebook Campus causes mass-heroin-ODs in San Fran, and attempted Google Campus Berlin would've decimated Berlin but for the people's resistance. Oh and if you went to a public school, like the one I taught at while I was a STEM teacher and social worker, you were already fucked cause they underfund the shit out of them, intentionally don't teach anything except how to sing and dance and launder Sheraton bedsheets and accept slave pay for hotel slavedrivers. Those public schools are still short like 700 teachers, year over year, cause who wants to be paid enough to be homeless, like I was, while working full time, right? That's just crazy.. Yeah dad and mom are going to be seventy soon, mom is still working, and dad had to come out of retirement to try to find good paying jobs that don't exist, so that's really cool that at least the elderly have a good deal here.

 

Another good thing, Terminus Cyberstar (Deus Ex-style immersive sim cyberpunk game I'm content director of) still may come out, though I'm putting that on the rear flange of the back burners for now, as I'm just the designer and can't control the rate of actual development, and the producer dude with the in with Warren Spector and shit is focusing on some other lucrative FPS projects ATM. I get it though, he's got to make that $80,000 to support his family. Or make that $30,000 poverty-line and functionally have more $$$ on IV drip of benefits, till they disappear.

 

People playing Terminus Machina and showing up in the streams keep asking me also, "Are you an oracle or something? Why is all this dystopic horrible shit in TM and Neofeud and stuff coming true IRL?" And I keep saying my work isn't really sci-fi, it's just stylized journalism. Cause journalism, telling the truth, doesn't exist anymore, unless you want to duct tape your glasses, run Windows 98 and beg for insulin on go-fund-me like the ex YT guys who do actual reporting. NF and Terminus are just literally what is happening, to me and everyone else, minus the bullshit and instagram-tulpa lives people manufacture to appear having it made, to score influencer deals when most of the country is functionally in poverty, and faking it to you not-making-it-dying-from-opioids / drug violence.

 

In other good news, the Unite Here hotel workers strike went through in Waikiki and though they're still working 2 jobs while being functionally homeless on Oahu, at least it's better than 3 jobs. There are more strikes planned, and I'm looking into Earth Strike, Extinction Rebellion, and still trying to get as many of my fellow programmers and tech workers to stop working for surveillance capitalists and making terminators to defend Jeff Bezos' escape launchpad from poor people, and Mark Zuckerberg's New Zealand fortified bunkers from starving unemployed doctors. GR has already made a very nice yellow vest, and I'm going to be looking into doing one myself. I'd like at some point to get up to the top of our sacred mountain, Mauna Kea, where they're going to try to put a 2 billion dollar megaproject again and toxify the water supply that the minibots, GR and I drink** from the runoff from that, without doing any clean up. The protests up there will be starting up soon when the Empire regroups and gets some better, more complicit leg breaker cops (most currently are Hawaiian themself). My sister was there and chanted in our native language during the first round of arrests. This will likely come back as another point of contention, like the other fossil fuel pipelines being forced down the throats of indigenous people in the US Canada, etc..

 

*Actually, we'd have $0 disposable income, wouldn't we? Lol! American Dreamin' and shit!

 

**there's another corporation currently dumping copper, lead, and other heavy metals into the rivers that feed our water supply, masking themselves with a shell company sporting a Hawaiian name, already going behind the regulatory agencies back, and I'm sure they're trying really hard to pull a Flint and install some sycophant puppet so they can poison us for money like in 3000 communities across the US as well as Michigan.

 

Edited by TwiliteMinotaur

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Good news on the union activity.  Unite Here and SIEU have really been ramping up the work nationally.  We will probably do some HI focused work this year around mortgage discrimination.

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2 hours ago, db said:

Ugh, TM, fingers crossed for you and the fam.

 

Edit: great!

 

Yeah these guys are a member of our organization. 

 

https://www.hacbed.org/our-team/our-team/

 

Every time he comes to DC he brings macadamia nuts ;)

 

Cold here today, last night the wind was like a train outside the windows.  Today the temps are in the single digits too.

 

 

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Thanks DB, and yeah, keep up the good work Edit.

 

I started my company as a startup in the same circle on Oahu as that dude I think! Might've seen him at the coworking spaces and tech meetups I used to go to.

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Today was a normal day. Woke up, did the social media rounds while working out. Kept the kids busy and warm until the weather warmed up and they could go outside. M spent a good part of the day "making videos" with her tablet, going around with the video function on talking about all the things she saw. 

Z's fractured wrist is pretty much healed, his check-up for it is on Monday but he's back to 100% functionality with it from what TM and I can tell. This is the winter of broken wrists in the family, Z and TM and a cousin's kid on the mainland too. As long as we don't have a spate of broken legs like M when she was 3, it's okay. 

Made plans to take the kids to the zoo again with friends - feeling pretty thankful for a free (yep - free) zoo. Food stamps for February were deposited on January 20th and we're kind of in a waiting game to see what happens in March. This will-they-won't-they government shutdown shit is for the birds.

Trying for balance, it would be so fucking easy to sink into anger all the time. The back-and-forth, class war, cultural division, let's keep the masses arguing about generation gaps and whether this or that famous-for-being-famous person is culturally appropriating (spoiler alert: most of them are) when all around us the reality is sinking in.

Antarctic temperatures in the Midwest while the Circle-With-Bears heats up 125 degrees above where it should be.

Killer whales dying of starvation in the PNW oceans because the food for the salmon is disappearing which means the salmon is disappearing.

Corporations, hearing the death knells, grabbing for more and more oil and land and resources regardless of treaties and human life and possible (probable) pollution of water sources (Mauna Kea, Uni'sto'ten, Standing Rock, and more). 

The bright spots in all of this are there though. Mauna Kea protectors were received with respect today at UC Berkeley (where they are asking the University to divest from the destruction of Mauna Kea and pull funding from the TMT project. Greta Thunberg, the teen activist, told Davos attendees she wants them to "act as if the house is on fire, because it is." The Parkland kids are still working hard to bring better gun legislation to the US. Activists in Uganda are calling out the deadly actions of an American Christian missionary who posed as a medical professional.  

I've decided that being angry and doing nothing is worth shit all. There's not a whole lot that I can personally do ( but whatever I can, I'm doing it. Right now that looks like raising the Minibots to be decent human beings who care about the earth they live on, and raising awareness of the actions being taken to curb the path of destruction that the earth is on.

I've also started writing again, maybe I'll share some of that project here at some point. Working through some of the holdover of the uber-religious evangelical conservative lifestyle I was raised in. 

Edited by GreenRobot
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You can't let yourself be angry all the time. It eats away at you.  I struggle to talk with my parents right now because they want to talk politics all the time.

 

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I heartily disagree.

My anger is my motivation.

It's not for everyone, but for me it keeps me alive.

It's either furious anger, or crushing depression and I am far too manic to do depression properly.

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My goal is to use my anger as a positive force. 

I don't talk to my parents (well, my mom) about politics or current events much at all because if/when I do she tells me I am "becoming too angry" and that I should "focus on happy things" and "think about other stuff" which is complete bullshit, especially since I know for a fact that she does not tell my brother the same thing. So I keep the conversation topics with my mom to the kids, my little brothers, day-to-day things about the pets. I have actually created activist social media accounts that my mom is blocked from seeing.

I can't not be angry - I'm like Bruce Banner, "That's my secret Cap, I'm always angry" - but if I'm using that anger to spread awareness and support people and organizations that are doing direct action around the world, then I am at least doing something.

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I mean it's bullshit that it's falling: I'm annoyed at its very presence. (It's not bullshit that I skipped some stupid temp gig due to it).

 

On 2/2/2019 at 9:23 AM, editengine said:

 

Gonna make yourself one of them marijuana cigarettes?

 

Oh, man, I haven't had any of the Devil's Lettuce since 2017. :( I miss it, but kinda wanna wait to indulge in any substance until I have a bigger financial cushion. I.e. I don't have to worry about being disqualified from work.

 

I kinda wanna do shrooms again, too. Why cause my physiological death with a bullet to the brain when I can just cause ego death by ingesting massive amounts of LSD? Y'know...

 

I'm being a smartass, okay, but, really, I think hallucinogens are therapeutic for me.

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Interesting times at work, in the middle of an automotive industry meltdown in Europe. NDA'd to hell, so hard to say much, but between the fake diesel concern (not that burning oil products is a good thing, but diesel+urea is clearly better than gasoline), the semi-fake Brexit closures (using Brexit as the excuse to close facilities in UK), we are in the middle of discussions about building a new plant abroad to supply the tire industry. So traveling and learning about weird foreign customs. And how actual business deals are inextricably linked to excessive alcohol consumption, and usually too much food. It gets worse as you move East, maybe because there the interchangeable corporate drones have not made much headway, and correctness is not a virtue.

 

So much business traveling sucks the pleasure out of traveling, so when we have some free time we go traveling for pleasure, which somehow ends up in a little culture, a lot of shopping, and foodie concerns. Returning some joy to what otherwise I do for duty. Who would have thought I would end up not wishing to travel to Florence next week, even considering I may have have a free half morning and dinner at Florence's Harry's Bar (similar to Venice's, but without tourists).

 

Fortunately our material reduces fuel consumption and therefore the carbon footprint. Otherwise I would feel I am singlehandedly responsible for the flooding of Holland, just by flight hours.

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A synopsis of my interaction at work today;

 

Me- lets get moving and make this thing that we have been talking about for months.

 

Them- Well, sure, but I wasn't really listening at those meetings or on those calls and I just skimmed everything you sent me before so we are going to just do it this other way.

 

Me- No.

 

Them- well I think that your idea is valid but I just don't really care and I am going to do it my way even though I don't really understand anything you've created.

 

Me- No.

 

Them- well I don't understand why your being difficult, I just want you to make everything just like you want it, then I will flush it down the toilet and do what I want.  What is the issue?

 

Me- No. 

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Heard from my brother (well, one of my 5 brothers - the 21-year-old one), he and his girlfriend are officially planning a trip to Hawaii as their pre-university vacation. 

That visit, in June, will probably be my only physical interaction with my own family this year. The Minobot BC Trip last year that resulted in the unexpected (and awesome) interview with The Man Himself was the first time I'd been with my family in ages, and while I'd like to be able to visit once a year or so we're not in a position for that to be feasible right now (not to mention that the idea of traveling to/in the US mainland as it is currently kind of gives me the heebies for multiple reasons). 

I keep telling my brother N that while I am thrilled to have him and his whip-smart super-cool girlfriend A come see us, we do live in the middle of nowhere. He reassures me that they'll be fine.

I know you're not supposed to have favorites among your siblings but he's definitely in my top 9...

(He and A¬†are not in this video, but this is literally their scene¬†in a mini-doc by his friend Marcel - although N & A are straight edge a la his big sis¬†ūüėČ)

 

Edited by GreenRobot

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Spent the day at the beach with a friend, her daughter, and the Minibots. Kids played in the shallows for hours and L & I got to have adult conversation with someone we're not married to - win-win for everyone.

L's husband D is a senior airplane engineer and works out of the Honolulu Airport, while she and their daughter live here on the Big Island in the house they are paying off. She works too, selling Usborne books. D, like I said, is a senior engineer for one of the big airlines. He was renting a small studio apartment in Honolulu (and then he comes to the Big Island on Saturday night and spends Sunday and Monday here - fielding calls from his coworkers the whole time and often being called back to Honolulu early), but as of right now he is living in his van and parking overnight in a parking structure (which he has to pay for but it's less than what the rent was for the apartment). 

Remembering our stint of vehicle-living... it's not a good time. 

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We have warm weather again! 

Coming up to our two-year "Get Off Oahu" anniversary (March 7) and immediately following that is the smaller Minobot's 5th birthday. He wants Spider-Man everything so I'm figuring that out, it'll be a good time. Chocolate cake & the beach, and a surprise home viewing of that new Spider-Man movie will be the perfect cherry on top to his day I think.

And then later in March is the two-year release anniversary for Neofeud! Guess I'll be dusting off the ol' vocal chords for a sequel soon ;) 

52641198_10162518458120347_5768441537260158976_n.jpg

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